Hope Beyond Hurt: How To Help A Loved One Overcome Trauma

Trauma comes in many forms and impacts countless number of people. “The key to understanding psychological trauma is that it refers to extreme stress that overwhelms a person’s ability to cope and leaves them in fear.” (Giller, E. “What Is Psychological Trauma”). Whether trauma is the result of natural disaster, violence, abuse, loss, domestic violence, etc., what it comes down to is how the event affects the individual. The circumstances of the traumatic event often disrupts trust, which in turn makes it difficult for family and friends to know how to best help their loved ones overcome a traumatic experience. A good support system is critical when someone is recovering from a traumatic event.

There are several things you can do to help:

1. Safety: After trauma, it is critical to help your loved one re-establish a sense of safety, both physically and psychologically. Ensure that basic needs of food and safe shelter are met. Safety may also mean spending time doing things that create a sense of safety and/or control (i.e. prayer, meditation, exercise, etc) or being with people they consider safe.

2. Connection: One of the most important things you can do is to make sure your loved one feels connected and cared about. This connection may come from friends and family, but many benefit greatly by connecting with other trauma survivors. Trauma support groups are a means for survivors to find comfort in knowing they are not alone. Sharing with others with lived experience may also help survivors learn to deal with emotions of anger, shame, fear, and guilt that are often associated with trauma.

3. Empathy: One of my favorite videos to use in training is a cartoon short from researcher Brené Brown that explains the role of empathy in the healing process. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw. She explains that empathy is “feeling with people” – making that vulnerable choice to connect with something inside of ourselves that knows the feeling the individual is describing. Trauma survivors often feel powerless and disconnected. Receiving non-judgmental, empathic support has the potential to counter some of those post-trauma symptoms.

4. Emotional support and understanding: In a Psychology Today article, “Reflections on Trust and Trauma,” Frederick Woolverton, Ph.D. states that TALKING alone does not help victims of trauma; in fact, it often re-traumatizes the victim. Survivors “what to be understood by someone that makes them feel safe and who understands them using empathy and intuition rather than attempting to understand them through a demanding question and answer format.”

5. Treatment: It’s normal to experience grief, anger, hopelessness, and/or fear after a traumatic event. Sometimes people can work through this on their own. It is when these feelings/responses begin to interfere with their ability to engage in daily life that it may be time to talk with them about finding professional support/treatment.

6. Take care of yourself: This is crucial in being able to help your loved one. Supporting someone through a traumatic event can be overwhelming. It can take a physical, emotional, and mental toll on the caregiver. Be aware of your own level of stress and take time to nurture yourself. There are support groups for caregivers and family members of trauma survivors that you may find helpful.

Trauma can have a profound impact on the whole person and their families but there is hope beyond the hurt. There is life after trauma! Your role can prove to be invaluable as your loved one navigates the path toward recovery. With time, support, and proper treatment, healing happens. By being a consistent, loving, reassuring presence, you can help your loved one move from survivor to thriver, from trauma to triumph.

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